Over and Over Again You Keep Saying Its the End

How to Respond When Someone Asks the Aforementioned Question Over and Over Again

Valerie Feurich
March 23, 2019

When a person who is living with dementia repeats the aforementioned question over and once again, it is normal for care partners to struggle to remain calm and not get frustrated. Being asked the aforementioned thing repeatedly can and volition be unnerving for most. To help you understand why a person living with dementia (PLwD) might be doing this and how you can help, we've assembled a few tips for you below that nosotros use here at Positive Arroyo to Care:

The beginning thing to keep in mind is that when someone living with dementia asks the aforementioned question over and once more, you don't desire to give the same respond back over and over again. While y'all might promise they'll understand and continue the data when y'all repeat the same thing for the third or fifth time, yous have to realize that giving them the identical response volition not assist them remember what you said.

Always consider that if a PLwD is asking the aforementioned question, at that place probably is a reason for it. Either they didn't understand what you lot said, or there is something else going on in their encephalon that'southward making them want to ask once more. If you want to avoid tiring out quickly, and so yous volition have to find a way to shift the conversation.

In a normal brain, we tin can respond in a socially svelte manner when someone asks u.s. something that we miss or don't understand. With some ability, we're likely to say something like: I'm so sorry, excuse me, but I didn't quite go what you said. Would you mind repeating that? But when a person is living with dementia, they might struggle asking that same matter.

Another reason a person living with dementia may be repeating details back, is that their brain is having trouble belongings onto it. So in an attempt to get the information to stick, they might exist request the aforementioned question in a dissimilar way, or they might be really repeating the data back to themselves in hopes they'll be able to cover and hold on to it.

One strategy that tin can shift this is that after you say something, stop for a moment, and make sure to listen to the PLwD speaking. This way, when you're having a chat, the person on the other end has the opportunity to echo what you said, so add a question marking at the end to make sure yous're both on the same folio. As an example, the chat could await something like this:

PLwD: What fourth dimension are we going to the doctor?
Care Partner:Yous're wanting to know what fourth dimension we're going to the doctor? (Pause)
PLwD: Yeah
Care Partner:Nosotros are going to the doctor at 3pm

Also realize that if the PLwD were to ask What fourth dimension are we getting together for that matter next calendar week?, they might actually be trying to effigy out what that thing is.

Asking for the time instead of what the affair is about, is likely less embarrassing to them, simply isn't the information they were actually seeking. That is why it is so important for us to modify how nosotros become nearly helping, as they're struggling to get data in their brain. And they're trying, and they tin can say something, merely you have to call back that merely because they repeat it, that doesn't mean they take it cemented where information technology belongs.

As a care partner, it can be very challenging to adapt your automatic responses and way of communicating, which you've been using your whole life. To do this and do it well, we actually accept to learn a whole new behavior of our ain in response to their new behavior. And guess who has to rehearse this a lot to get it right? Estimate who has to practice it over and over? We do, because the PLwD is already doing the all-time they tin can.

And if you take the time to practice and acquire these new skills, you'll be able to truly assistance your PLwD understand what you're saying, and reduce your own stress in the process. To help yous do that, click here to bring together us for the LIVE webinar with Teepa Snow on this very topic on March 27, 2019!

16 thoughts on "How to Answer When Someone Asks the Same Question Over and Over Once more"

Donna

Thank you for offering these complimentary webinars! I'm finding them very helpful as my 85 year old female parent is living with mild dementia.
Donna

I'm finding the webinars very helpful as my 85 year former female parent is living with mild dementia.
Donna

wonderful!
1. C brown
  
  Thanks! I bargain with this everyday all 24-hour interval. Having a dementia intendance female parent, l get a lots of do. I accept learned to reply and switch the topic. It appears that the change helps smooth things out.
Genee

For my Grandma, repeated questions told me what she was focused on our worried most. She would often ask the same questions well-nigh the kids or other family members then I knew she was thinking nearly them… I would then get pictures from my telephone of them or find another manner to requite more details. This near always resulted in her relaxing and the two of us having a very positive interaction.
CJ

Ok, I get this for relevant questions just what almost questions that are from events or people in the by? i.east… I'm so worried about your dad, why hasn't he come dorsum from fishing, why hasn't he called. Which comes fifty-fifty tho her married man died afew years ago. How do we answer those type of questions?
1. Carolyn Lukert
  
  Hi CJ- it is not unusual for a person living with dementia to ask a question referring to person who has died, but thinking most them as though they are notwithstanding living. A bit more challenging to respond.
  
  While no one respond works for everyone, one manner to respond might await similar this:
  
  PLwD: I'g worried almost your dad – why hasn't he come dorsum from line-fishing?
  Intendance Partner: Ahhh, so you're worried about Dad, are y'all?
  PLwD: Well, yes. That's what I said. He has been gone for a long time.
  Care Partner: He has been gone for long time, hasn't he? Well you know Dad, he does that sometimes. He knows what he is doing though. And yous know what they say, "a watched pot never boils." Let's go do something (pick something she likes to practice), and I'll make a few phone calls if need be.
  
  Ideally, you and so go to a different place/room and shift to an activity she enjoys. The rationale for this response – sometimes, reminding a person that her loved one is dead might be like she is hearing it for the showtime time, thus creating farthermost distress. If that is the example, a response like to the to a higher place may work. Shifting to a new location may remove a visual cue that could accept triggered the thought, and involving her in an activity she likes may see an emotional need that could also be a contributing factor.
  
  I hope this helps!
Cathy

Splendid communication. My claiming is figuring out what she means because the words are not at that place. I can usually "read" the clues. Either what she means sounds like the discussion she says or information technology relates to the word in a shared memory.
Nosotros just enjoyed a snappy sliced bettygrable (apple)
Carol Mc

When Dad asks the same question over and over again, nosotros write the answer on a card. Visual prompts and cues seem to help him right now. Instead of asking us the same question over and over once again, now he keeps reading the card we gave him. It seems to assistance lesson his feet and frustration. Eventually he moves onto something else. Whatever works….
Carolyn Herbert

I also think a question might exist repeated is that the memory is so short that the person honestly does not remember asking the 1st or tenth time. My mode of responding is to answer differently for a few times, but then as I respond for one of those times, become some physical action going, similar, "let's go get some tea and a cookie while we talk about this". lark is a helpful mode for me to avoid getting my tone of vocalisation go negative or irritated every bit I answer Once again!
vicky

I don't know how to answer to false accusations, and paranoia. Information technology is escalating and is focused straight and at me and my husband, the i's who take care of her
RP

My wife keeps asking when her hubby is coming back. He has never been gone this long before. PS: I am her husband but in her mind I'm just the nice guy taking care of her. How should I reply?
1. Carolyn Lukert
  
  How-do-you-do RP,
  So your wife doesn't recognize you lot as her husband, and is asking y'all for him. Hmmm – some other catchy variation to this theme of request the same question over and over. I am wondering – does she ever recognize you lot every bit her husband, or does this fluctuate from fourth dimension to time?
  
  Either way, here is one strategy:
  
  PLwD: When is my hubby coming back?
  Husband: So you are wondering about you hubby, and when he is coming dorsum?
  PLwD: Yes – practice you know?
  Married man: That's a good question. Y'all know, I don't know. Simply, while we're waiting, let's go do {something – fill in something she likes to do}, or, I could use your help with something …
  
  If this is episodic, she may recognize you later on on in the mean solar day, or you might walk out of the room, change something like your shirt, and approach her like you just came in from existence out.
  
  If it is non episodic – significant she always thinks y'all are the nice guy who is taking intendance of her, but yous aren't her husband – continuing to exist that nice guy and engaging with her in things that she enjoys – may be the thing that works.
  
  Does this aid?
lity

I got a lot of useful tips about same page from this article. Thank you very much!
I have another article about same page. Maybe you will exist interested in it^_^
Parenting Styles – Overcoming Your Differences – WiserParenting
1. Certain! Experience free to post your link hither so others tin can see as well.
helpful

One person just told them their son went to French republic to work on a task and were happy with the answer. He had passed away a few years before.